Group Therapy/Transcript
DISCLAIMER BULMA: The following is a... BABY TRUNKS: Fan-based parody! BULMA: That's right! DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by... BABY TRUNKS: FUNimation, TOEI Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama! BULMA: Very good! BULMA & BABY TRUNKS: Please support the official release! (cut to Semi-Perfect Cell floating above an archipelago reflecting on recent events) SEMI-PERFECT CELL: (thinking) So I'm a hair's breath from perfection, and then Triclops shows up and decides, "I'm just gonna turn triangles into f**king squares!" Then Goku shows up--apparently he can teleport--gotta look into that later! But at the very top of this long list of stupid questions is (out loud) WHERE...ARE YOU... 18?!? (shift over to Androids 16 and 18 on an island, hiding from the Bio-Android) ANDROID 18: We got lucky. With all these islands, it'll be tough for him to find us. ANDROID 16: Technically, it's an archipelago. Noun: A group of islands. ANDROID 18: Thank you, 16. ANDROID 16: You are welcome. ANDROID 18: Well, we could sneak away if we could get underwater. 16, are you waterproof? ANDROID 16: (electricity buzzes from the hole in his head) I was. ANDROID 18: ...Shit. Then all we can do is wait and hope he just moves on... (cut back to Semi-Perfect Cell, who is still hovering over the archipelago) SEMI-PERFECT CELL: DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT WE COULD BE TOGETHER?! WE COULD BE ''PERFECT!'' MAN: ''(calling out from one of the islands)'' Dude! I know you're having issues with your girl--trust me, I get it--but you're making a scene, man! SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Can I help you, uh...? MAN: My name's Tom! CELL: Oh, well, hi, Tom! I'll try to make less of a scene while I LIQUIFY YOUR INSIDES AND PROCEED TO DRINK YOU! TOM: Hey, no need to be hostile, man! WOMAN: Do you people mind? My child is trying to nap! TOM: I'm just trying to help this guy out with his lady problems! SEMI-PERFECT CELL: I don't need your help, Tom! But thank you?! (a baby is heard crying) Rgh... SALLY: Well, now you've done it! SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Okay, ma'am... FIRST of all...! SEQUENCE (cut to Bulma in her plane flying towards Korin's Tower) KORIN: Hm? (walks over to the side and looks down) Oh, it's Bulma! Hey Bulma, did you bring back Yajirobe--? (Bulma's plane flies right by) OOOOOOOOF... course you didn't! *sighs* I miss my Bean Daddy... (Bulma's plane is seen arriving at The Lookout) BULMA: Huh. So it does just kinda float there. (lands her plane on the ground and opens the door) Hey! Anyone here? GOHAN: Bulma! GOKU: Hey, Bulma! BULMA: Hey, guys! (Gohan runs up and shakes Baby Trunk's hand while Bulma looks up and notices Trunks) Huh? Oh my gosh, Trunks! Your hair! It looks good! Platonically, of course. TRUNKS: It's okay, Mom. I literally just spent a year with Dad in the Time Chamber. I'm over it. BULMA: Wait, you spent an entire year with Vegeta? Even I'' haven't managed that. '''TRUNKS:' Wouldn't recommend it. All he does is scream at you. BULMA: (gives a suggestive look at Vegeta) Yeah, he does. Speaking of, how about you? Why didn't your hair grow? VEGETA: Because unlike a half-breed, a pure-blooded Saiyan's hair does not change from the day we are born... with the exceptions of beards and moustaches. GOKU: Boy. Now I can't stop thinking about Vegeta with a moustache. (Vegeta is seen with a moustache through Goku's vision) VEGETA: Moustache... GOKU: Hee.. BULMA: Oh! Before I forget... (pushes the button on a capsule and throws it at the ground, revealing a white container) I brought you guys some armor for your fight against the Androids! (Goku, Gohan, and Trunks all put on the armor) VEGETA: This is easily the greatest thing you've ever produced. (Baby Trunks makes a noise) Yes, even you! (Baby Trunks whines) BULMA: (to Piccolo and Tien) Aren't you guys going to try them on, too? PICCOLO: No. TIEN: No. BULMA: Any reason? PICCOLO: No. TIEN: No. GOKU: Hey, look, Vegeta! I'm you! Paragon 'til death! VEGETA: ...You ruined it. You ruined it, and I'm leaving. GOKU: You want, I should teleport you, buddy? VEGETA: I hate you. (flies off) TRUNKS: I should follow him. GOKU: Oh, before you go, you'll probably want these. (gives Trunks two Senzu Beans) Just in case. TRUNKS: Thanks, but...hopefully, we won't need them. GOKU: Yeah, but...Vegeta. TRUNKS: Father. BULMA: You should really hurry up. Said father has a head start on you. TRUNKS: Yeah. And who knows what atrocity Cell is committing as we speak... (cut to Semi-Perfect Cell STILL arguing with the islanders) SALLY: My husband and I go to couple's counseling every Tuesday, and it's really helped us! SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Yes, and I'm happy to hear that, Sally, but my situation isn't exactly-- TOM: Well, if you love something, you have got to set it free! SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Okay, that's... That's not-- RICHARD: You can't be so clingy! It's kinda creepy! SEMI-PERFECT CELL: But it's-- SALLY: Do you think it's inadequacies in the bedroom? SEMI-PERFECT CELL: (thinking) And... we're done. (out loud) 18! You have until the count of five! Show yourself now, or I'm wiping out these islands one by one until I find you! HARRY: Don't you think that's a little extreme?! SEMI-PERFECT CELL: You're not involved in this anymore, Harry! HARRY: I think I'm pretty involved! SEMI-PERFECT CELL: FIVE! ANDROID 18: This is bad! This is really bad! SEMI-PERFECT CELL: FOUR! ANDROID 16: Do not fret. You are too valuable. SEMI-PERFECT CELL: (in the distance) THREE! ANDROID 16: He would not risk destroying you. ANDROID 18: And you're sure about that? SEMI-PERFECT CELL: TWO! ANDROID 16: Trust me. SEMI-PERFECT CELL: (smirks evilly) ...one. (fires a Big Bang Crash modified version of Vegeta's Big Bang Attack at the nearest island) RICHARD: CAN WE PLEASE GO BACK TO TALKING ABOUT THIS?! (the islanders scream as the blast connects and the island is destroyed) ANDROID 18: YOU WERE SAYING, EXACTLY?!? ANDROID 16: (looks down at a squirrel) This is a fluffy bird... ANDROID 18: ...Yeah. Guess that one's on me... (cut to The Lookout) MR. POPO: All right, you maggots ready yet? GOKU: Yup! Sorry for the wait! GOHAN: I can't believe you wasted half an hour on EATING! There's food INSIDE! GOKU: Oh, come on, Gohan, what's half an hour? GOHAN: 7.6 days. GOKU: *gasps* But that's half a fortnight! MR. POPO: ...Okay, I'm done with this. You get in. (Mr. Popo opens the door to the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, with Goku and Gohan entering inside. Inside, Gohan takes a few steps forward and looks around.) GOKU: Well, here we are. You know, it was awfully nice of you to come join me, Gohan. GOHAN: I never really had a choice... You basically kidnapped me. GOKU: Oh, come on, Gohan, you can't kidnap your own kid! GOHAN: I don't know if that's true... I'll have to read up on that. GOKU: Sorry Gohan, no books here...or internet. Only this room...and the void. (the word "void" echoes two more times) GOHAN: Uh, does it do that all the time? GOKU: Oh, yeah! But only if you say the word "void". (the word "void" echoes two more times again) GOHAN: Okay. Well, we're gonna avoid that word for now. (the word "void" echoes two more times once again) ...Why?! GOKU: All right, Gohan, first thing we're gonna do is focus on getting you Super Saiyan. Now, it won't be easy, because Krillin's not here to die for you, but I think with some crunches, pull-ups, and plenty of milk, you'll find your way. GOHAN: Oh! Well, if you really believe in me... GOKU: Also, we're gonna fight! A lot! GOHAN: (sounding a little depressed) ...I need an adult. GOKU: I am an adult--! GOHAN: ''(sounding disappointed)'' No. No, you are not. (cut to Semi-Perfect Cell destroying more islands in his search for Android 18) ANDROID 18: Well, I'm pretty sure that was the last island. You know, besides this one. ANDROID 16: Island. Noun. Island. Noun. Island. Noun. ANDROID 18: We have got to get you fixed up, buddy. ANDROID 16: Have you tried turning me off and on again? SEMI-PERFECT CELL: (floating above the island the Androids are currently inhabiting) (thinking) That's the last island. She's either there, or I've killed her... (out loud while preparing to destroy the island) Oh well, in for a penny! (Semi-Perfect Cell starts charging up his most powerful Big Bang Crash as Android 18 shields herself from impact. Cell slowly forms a grin while laughing until he feel a presence, which is Super Saiyan Vegeta, who flies directly in front of the synthetic serpent. The semi-perfect being is left speechless and merely stares at Vegeta in surprise.) VEGETA: Ah, warming up by destroying some islands, huh? I can dig that--more of a planet guy, myself. SEMI-PERFECT CELL: *groans* People all day today. Hello, Vegeta! VEGETA: Hello, ugly! SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Ugh, now we're doing this. Okay! (descends with Vegeta to ground level) ANDROID 18: Wait, is that Vegeta? Well, bright side, we get to watch Vegeta bite it first. ANDROID 16: That bird has very sharp hair. SEMI-PERFECT CELL: So, can I help you? 'Cause if you're looking for another broken arm, you could always help me find Android 18. VEGETA: Nope, I just heard how ugly you were, and I had to see it for myself. TRUNKS: (lands a fair distance behind Vegeta) Also, I'm here. SEMI-PERFECT CELL: And that explains the bravado. You brought Junior! VEGETA: Nope, he's only here because he'd cry otherwise. Because he's a child. Also, you're ugly. SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Riveting. Listen, Vegeta, I'm in the middle of something more important than whatever this is... So if you just want to run along and bring back someone substantial, say, I don't know...Goku? (Vegeta stops smiling) That'd be great. VEGETA: (inhales) Hmm... (starts powering up) SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Oh, what's wrong, Prince? Did I touch a nerve? TRUNKS: You pressed the Goku Button. SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Excuse me, the what? (gets punched HARD in the gut by Vegeta, who has now become Super Vegeta) ''*gasp!* '''VEGETA:' Ya shouldn't a did that. SEQUENCE STINGER (shows Vegeta singing the "Moustache" song while wearing a variety of moustaches) VEGETA: ♪Moustache, Moustache, Moustache, Mou--♪ ♪Moustache, Moustache, Moustache, Mou--♪ ♪Moustache, Moustache, Moustache, Mou--♪ ♪Moustache, Moustache, Moustache♪